A marriage is the most intimate relationship one
can have, and yet, even within marriage, there are things that spouses hesitate
to tell each other. Most often they are just afraid to hurt each other’s
feelings by being candid, and sometimes they just don’t want to make the
effort. The Week asked some real life couples about the things
they feel they cannot share with their spouses, and their secrets came tumbling
out. We have listed for you some thoughts playing in the minds of married men
and women, in the hope that they prove useful. Be warned, though, that they are
not as romantic or naughty as you would expect. It is rather mundane things
that husbands and wives hide from each other.
All statements are from real people who chose to
withhold their names.
What husbands secretly think
I wish I had waited a little longer to get married. Men, even if they got married at 40, secretly feel that someone better would’ve come along if only they had waited. I hate the unpleasant reality that my wife doesn’t look, everyday, like how she did on the wedding day. I know she can’t look young all the time, but she should at least try to maintain her weight. And please do something about the sleep-deprived look.
Sometimes, I wish my wife were the typical
wife. The kind who brings me bed tea, shops for the whole family, cooks the
dinner. I know she does a lot already, but I guess I was brought up to
idealize such women. And who doesn’t enjoy being pampered now and then?
I don’t understand why my wife wants to talk
to me all the time. Didn’t she just talk for an hour with her best friend?
And she does it every day, what can she have to talk to me about? Why doesn’t
she leave me at peace?
My wife knows that there are only two women I
love, and just because I love her doesn’t mean I forget my mother. Nothing
gives me greater happiness than to see the two of them bond and be happy
together. But this seems to be difficult, and keeps stressing me out. And I
wish my wife made more efforts to integrate with my family. We always end up
doing things twice, like cook two different vegetables for dinner, because we
need to accommodate her tastes.
In the first year, everything smelt of love
and roses. From the second year, everything starts smelling like piss. I
can’t even lay my head on the pillow and rest, because the baby has been
there. I love my baby, but if I had known it would smell so disgustingly, I
would probably rethink my decision.
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What wives only share with girlfriends
I wish my husband would stop looking at other
girls, especially pretty ones. Don’t I deserve more dignity than that? I hate
that he doesn’t give me attention as when we were dating.
My husband expects me to do all the housework,
and still look pretty when I go out. It’s commonsense that if I’m doing the
dishes, I won’t be wearing rings. And if I’m washing clothes, I won’t be
wearing nail polish.
I can barely afford my maid’s salary. But
honestly, I would rather have her, even if she costs more than my entire
salary, than be cooped at home and do all the housework. Sometimes I feel
like work is the only place where I can be myself.
If I have issues with my husband, I can’t
clear them by talking to a friend, no matter how close. But it’s so difficult
to communicate with him. I can never get more than the occasional ‘huh?’ as
response.
My husband is thirty but it’s three when it
comes to his mother. I must do whatever she says, even if it’s something
illogical. And my husband does nothing to drill any sense into her. I’m tired
of the situation and when I complain to my husband, I get no response. And I
feel like I always come second when it comes to making decisions. It’s as if the
age-old way of things can never change, and the opinions of my husband and
elders are always more important than mine.
I know men can’t give birth, but nothing stops
them from changing diapers. I hate it when my husband just expects me to
leave my dinner in the middle and attend to the baby even when he has nothing
to do. And he’s always complaining about the baby’s smell. Why doesn’t he do
something about it then?
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*****
Surprisingly, this list contains fewer
complaints about romance and all the things we associate with marriage, and
more complaints about the division of labor, such as household chores. We hope
this list proves insightful and gives you a glimpse into the mind of your own better
half. We hope it’ll also help you see things you take for granted, and open the
doors of communication between you and your Dear Spouse.
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