Inheritance of duty

 

Yogesh KC was taking a team of sanitation workers to Baglung. He ordered tea for everyone at a hotel, not realizing that the hotel would make them wash their own glasses. They came from the traditional caste of cleaners, considered very low on the caste hierarchy, and it was common for them to be denied access to taps, temples, and public places like hotels.

“That was twenty years ago,” says Yogesh. “Things have improved for them as regards social stigma. But many other things like their health and education are still problematic.”

In Kathmandu, most people who sweep streets and pick up liter from public places are from the Chyame caste, and such problems are common occurrences for them.

Arun Chyame, 40, is one of them. The unlettered man has been working at the municipality for more than twenty years. His duty consists of sweeping, shoveling garbage on to trucks, and cleaning drains when they get stuck.

Arun cleans the drains by hand, and does not use the protective gear that the government provides.

“If I wear a mask, I can’t breathe,” he laughs. He washes his hands before eating, but sometimes he forgets. “Of course my family yells at me,” says Arun. “But I’ve been doing this work for so long that I’ve gotten used to it.”

Arun believes that through practice, he has acquired the power to fight the negative influence of the filth that he works with.

Like Arun, most sanitation workers have taken their work as a fact of life.

“Most people would feel disgusted by this kind of work, but I don’t feel that anymore,” says Laxmi Chyame, 50. Instead, what she and Arun worry about is that their children won’t get to continue their profession.

“This has been our profession for generations,” says Lakshmi, “and our children should get the same opportunities. But the government hasn’t been taking any new entrants for a long time.” Her six children, ranging in age from 30 to 20 are jobless, and only work when they find temporary employment.

Yogesh KC, President of Sanitation Workers’ Union, informs that twenty years ago, there were 1,600 sanitation workers in Kathmandu Municipality. Now the number has dwindled to 800. One reason is that some of the workers are getting out of the difficult profession. The other is that the government is slowly handing sanitation work over to private companies to reduce costs. But private companies don’t pay as much as the government does, and the job is not secure, either.

“For those traditional cleaners who remain, their main concern is that their future generations should also have secure employment,” he informed.

The younger generation, on their part, is not so sure that they want to continue on the same path.

Kamala Deula, 28, works in sanitation at the local community hospital but hopes her children will be able to get out of the cycle and do something else.

“Our work is good in a way because we help to keep the environment clean,” says Kamala who has studied up to grade seven. “But we are also exposed to germs all the time, and I dislike that part of my work.”

The other part that the younger generation is worried about is the shame that their caste brings with it. In the past, when people walked past them on the streets, they used to gather their clothes around them and walk as far as possible so as not to touch them. Society has changed a lot, and they are not as discriminated against as before, especially in public places like shops and temples. But following the deeply rooted living patterns of Kathmandu, they still live in the same communities where everyone knows them. And many older and traditional minded people continue these discriminations.

“Even when people swear, they name us,” says Arun. “I’ve heard higher-caste people say many times that they aren’t like Chyame, and that’s disheartening.”

Hence, many younger people, including Arun’s children, don’t like to be identified as Chyame anymore, instead choosing to call themselves “Newar” or “Nepali.”

Kamala also dislikes that this profession has been handed down through generations.

“I’m not ashamed of where I come from,” says she. “After all, my parents raised me by working hard in this profession.”

Besides, Kamala knows that history is not something you can run away from, especially in a place where everyone knows your history.

Instead, what young people want is options for themselves.

“Sanitation is something that the entire community should take part in,” says Kamala. “If that happens, there can be a way out of this hazardous profession for anyone who wishes to leave.”

The problem, says Yogesh, is that so few of them are educated that they don’t see any other viable option. Even though the Sanitation Workers’ Union encourages education by facilitating every youngster who completes SLC, only as few as 10% of the youngsters manage to graduate from school.

“We can’t educate our children much, only a little,” says Laxmi. “And when even educated people have a hard time finding jobs, what chance do we have?”

Having accepted their situation, they want to find ways to make the best of it through secure employment.

And the other thing that sanitation workers strive for is respect. They want the stigma attached to their caste to be replaced by a fair evaluation of their work. They want the discriminations to end, and to be treated as equal members of the society by the so-called ‘higher castes.’

BOX

Yogesh KC, President of Sanitation Workers’ Union, has worked in sanitation for more than twenty years, and knows the workers’ issues intimately.

What are the biggest challenges for sanitation workers?

Health is their biggest challenge. Street-level workers often fall ill with cough and develop asthma over time. Hepatitis B and C are also very common among them since they have to handle metals and glass everyday which cut them.

What can be done to better protect their health?

The government provides them a set of protective gears which includes a mask, a pair of gloves and boots. But only one set is provided every year, which wears out very soon. They need more. And when they fall ill, they get no subsidies from the government, which is not fair, considering what a great risk their job is to their health. The Sanitation Workers’ Union has been asking the government to allocate one or more government hospitals where they can get facilities and medicines at discounted prices.

What other demands does the Sanitation Workers’ Union have?

The streets have to be clean before everyone else is up and about, so sanitation workers begin working at 5 AM. We want these hours to be counted as overtime and given 50 % extra compensation.

Words: 1146 /1,134 Sewa / November 13 / For The Week Edited by Peter

False expectations

Salina Pradhan (name changed), 29, was over the moon. Married for just two months, she had missed a period and was eagerly looking forward to sharing the news about her pregnancy with her family. But she wanted to wait until she confirmed it with her doctor.

Unfortunately, that day never came. After missing her periods twice in a row, her doctor told her that she was not pregnant.

This condition, when the body falsely believes itself to be pregnant, is called pseudocyesis. Though it is rare, it happens to women who are either infertile and wish to conceive, or women who do not want to conceive at all.

Dr. Heera Tuladhar, Head of Department of Obstetrics and Gynecology at KIST Medical College Teaching Hospital, relates that she has seen many such cases during her 20-year career. “This happens more to unmarried women who are terrified of conceiving,” she says.

All the apparent symptoms of pregnancy are displayed in these cases. Periods stop, breasts swell and become tender, there is nausea, weight is gained, and constipation occurs, and even the abdomen bloats. The woman concerned is completely assured of her pregnancy. Sometimes the symptoms may be so severe that the doctors themselves are confused, and have to take further tests to confirm that there is no pregnancy. While this becomes a matter of relief to those who do not want a child, there are also some women who find out they are infertile.

Dr. Tuladhar explains that this symptom has its roots in psychology. Since the mind is stronger than the body, subconscious desires or fears are manifested on the body in this way. There are many other ways in which the body deceives the mind, leading a woman to believe she is pregnant.

The symptoms of pregnancy, like nausea, swelling of breasts and weight gain, are caused by the rise in a hormone called progesterone, and most cases of false pregnancy occur because of over-secretion of the progesterone.

Sometimes their periods resume in a few months, but in extreme cases, the symptoms may carry on into the ninth month. Women have been known to experience labor pains, but of course, do not give birth. This can happen in cases where the woman has no way of confirming pregnancy, like blood test or ultrasound, until the final month.

Delayed periods

Progesterone is naturally secreted by the body in the second half of the menstruation cycle, which is just before menstruation. Hence symptoms like nausea, swelling of breasts and abdomen, etc are mildly manifested in all menstruating women at this time. For any reason, if there is a hormonal fluctuation and your menstruation is delayed, then these symptoms become aggravated.

Hormone intake

Pills that can delay periods are also available these days. Since these pills are based on hormones, they increase the secretion of progesterone which aggravates the symptoms of pregnancy. Dr. Tuladhar advises that these hormones should not be taken because they disturb the natural menstrual cycle. Sometimes, a woman may be taking hormone pills for other diseases, which has the same effect.

Depo-Provera

Many contraceptives available today are based on hormones. Depo-Provera, a contraceptive that is injected into the body every three months, is based on progesterone. At first, it stops a woman’s periods and all the symptoms of pregnancy are manifested. Dr. Tuladhar informs that many patients become concerned and come to her, believing they are pregnant. So it is important to be educated about the effects that each contraceptive is going to have on your body.

Pre-menopause

When a woman has crossed her forty years of age, symptoms of pre-menopause are manifested. Periods may be delayed for one or two months or even more and the woman may believe herself to be pregnant. Such irregular periods may continue for many years.

Tumor/Thyroid disease

Certain kinds of tumors also secrete hormones that delay your periods and manifest the symptoms of pregnancy. Endocrine disorders caused by thyroid diseases are also known to tamper with the menstrual cycle.

Chemical pregnancy

In some cases, fertilization occurs but the embryo fails to implant itself in the uterus. In this case, called chemical pregnancy, the embryo falls down and the woman’s normal menstruation cycle resumes. But if a pregnancy test is conducted before the embryo falls down, it will be positive. However, since the menstruation cycle is not overdue, there is no reason to test for pregnancy, and most women are not aware that they were pregnant for a short time. Only if a woman is highly sensitive to her body and notices the symptoms, she will she realize that she has had a brief pregnancy.

*****

Pregnancy and childbirth are a sensitive and meaningful time in a woman’s life. But at the same time, they are also highly complicated. Any woman who wants to conceive (or does not), must be very careful about her health, and take any symptom of pregnancy seriously. Most importantly, since each kind of test is fallible, a pregnancy must be confirmed through multiple tests before any further steps are taken or plans are made.

Some tips when testing for pregnancy

• Whether or not you get the correct result often depends on the quality of the pregnancy kit. So make sure to choose your kit with care. Also, a pregnancy test kit only works after five weeks of the last menstruation.
• When taking pregnancy tests with a test kit, always test the first urine midstream, in early morning. This has the highest concentration of hormones.
• A blood test is the most sensitive, and can give accurate results from six days of conception. But if the body is secreting similar hormones for other reasons, like illness or tumor, then blood test may be falsely positive too.
• An ultrasound rarely gives false positive. Trans-vaginal ultrasound can be done from four weeks of conception while abdominal ultrasound can be done after five weeks. However, sometimes, an ultrasound may give a false negative, which means that conception may not be visible for a few months.
• The morning-after pill, which is taken to avoid pregnancy immediately after having sexual contact, is also harmful if taken regularly. Though it is 80-90% effective if taken occasionally, regular use dulls its impact, and there is high chance of pregnancy. Hence, if you have taken this pill, make sure through multiple methods that you did not conceive.

The pursuit of austerity

After the elections to the first CA, most female CA members from the Maoist party turned up in similar outfits: grey suits. Among other things of state importance, their monochrome uniforms were criticized a whole lot too. But few outside their closed circles knew that these uniforms had come out of a deep conviction in simplicity that they had imbibed during their years underground.

“Women wear sindoor to tell the world they are married,” says Smita Dewan, 23, who was a cultural worker during the insurgency. “Do the men wear anything for women? These are just signs of servitude.”

Smita, who was simply dressed in blue jeans, white t-shirt, and no adornments, likened red bangles on the hand to broken handcuffs that continue to chain women.

She was told these things as part of the Maoist political education. But even without it, the emphasis on simplicity was an undercurrent that she and other Whole Timers (WT) always felt, whether directly or indirectly. This was attractive to women because it was one way of asserting equality: no one would be favoured on account of physical appearance; the emphasis would be on the work they did, not how they looked.

Smita felt that the time women spent on appearances put them at a disadvantage compared to men who did not have to bother with these things. “If I see women spending too much time on makeup, I invariably think they could be doing something more productive with their time,” says Smita.

So a unisex look was one way of gaining equality.

“We felt that these things just didn’t suit us. We were out to change the society. We felt that we should set an example for the rest of the society. How could we be bogged down by such petty things?” says Sharada, 35, who was a political worker during the insurgency and continues to be one. Even before she became a WT, she had the impression that Maoists were a different breed of people who were not bothered by society’s emphasis on appearances.

Amrita Thapa, 42, a veteran leader, remembers that at one point, she and other women had decided to cut their hair short because it was too much of a bother. Amrita continues to sport short hair and many famous Maoist leaders are identified by their pageboy hairstyle. Even today, most women actively involved in the Maoist party are very simply adorned: short hair, no makeup, and barely any jewellery. Some of them wear a simple bangle or a sindoor, or a pote, but no more.

Within the Maoist party, the austere attitude to beauty also extended to romance and sex, which was very attractive to many women. Sharada is one of them.

“When we lived and worked with men, they looked at us with a kind of respect. We were proud of it,” she remembers. She is glad to remember that even if a man and a woman had to share a room, there were no “negative” feelings from men; instead, there was a regard like between brothers and sisters.

Many other women have echoed the feeling that they felt “safe” with their male colleagues during the insurgency, that they were bound by “class fellow-feeling” which surpassed romantic attractions. Marriages had to be sanctioned by party seniors.

Anoopam, 32, is a veteran of more than 40 encounters. She had once been married, and when her first husband passed away, was persuaded by her party and friends to marry again for the sake of support and good future.

“I wasn’t really willing to marry,” she recounts, “but since everyone encouraged me, I agreed.” She informs that it is not enough that you like a person, nor is it enough for the party seniors to think two people are well matched. But both factors are important for two people to get married.

Probably coming from a society where they had to fend off unwanted romantic attention from every second man, women found this environment to be a relief. They believed that even love should be within boundaries, nothing overboard. In fact, many women remember with fondness that any ‘sanskritik bichalan; which included activities like unsanctioned romances and affairs, were strictly regulated.

Here, one has to remember that the women who became Maoists came from many different castes. While some of them, like Brahmins and Chhetris, are known to emphasize on sexual purity and austerity—especially for women – others are known to be more permissive. Premarital sex, marriage after conception, or multiple marriages are not unknown among Janajatis, giving women more autonomy and control over their life-course.

Seira Tamang, writing for Feminist Review (2009), states that “From Hindu high-caste women (including Madhesi women) sequestered in the private sphere, to the Thakali women renowned for their business acumen and skills, to Limbu women who are free to divorce and remarry as widows, women and men in various communities in Nepal have historically structured their relations very differently.”

And yet, these multiple values, developed organically over thousands of years among different ethnic groups, had been subsumed by the dominant values of austerity, and enforced through “discipline, rules and regulations” within the Maoist party. Youngsters like Smita who had known the party values since a young age have little memory of alternate values regarding marriage and women’s place in their community.

Thus, the values of austerity have shaped a whole generation of women who identify themselves as Maoists. While on the one hand, enforcing the beauty cult and placing high value on the surfacial beauty of women has been known to harm women, and is a detrimental social value that needs to be discouraged. On the other hand, the emphasis on shedding these qualities meant that women had to leave traditional concepts of femininity and identity behind.

The worth of women as persons was being defined by male standards: They were only good enough if they aspired to be like ideal men who did not pay attention to appearances. Instead of women exploring and balancing their femininity and finding their own niche, the values of austerity were mass-marketed. The ostensible purpose is to encourage values like equality and morality, but it remains to be seen what the loss of multiple values will have on society in the long term.

Axes yielded by the Sexes: 12 things your spouse won’t tell you

A marriage is the most intimate relationship one can have, and yet, even within marriage, there are things that spouses hesitate to tell each other. Most often they are just afraid to hurt each other’s feelings by being candid, and sometimes they just don’t want to make the effort. The Week asked some real life couples about the things they feel they cannot share with their spouses, and their secrets came tumbling out. We have listed for you some thoughts playing in the minds of married men and women, in the hope that they prove useful. Be warned, though, that they are not as romantic or naughty as you would expect. It is rather mundane things that husbands and wives hide from each other.

All statements are from real people who chose to withhold their names.

What husbands secretly think I wish I had waited a little longer to get married. Men, even if they got married at 40, secretly feel that someone better would’ve come along if only they had waited. I hate the unpleasant reality that my wife doesn’t look, everyday, like how she did on the wedding day. I know she can’t look young all the time, but she should at least try to maintain her weight. And please do something about the sleep-deprived look. Sometimes, I wish my wife were the typical wife. The kind who brings me bed tea, shops for the whole family, cooks the dinner. I know she does a lot already, but I guess I was brought up to idealize such women. And who doesn’t enjoy being pampered now and then? I don’t understand why my wife wants to talk to me all the time. Didn’t she just talk for an hour with her best friend? And she does it every day, what can she have to talk to me about? Why doesn’t she leave me at peace? My wife knows that there are only two women I love, and just because I love her doesn’t mean I forget my mother. Nothing gives me greater happiness than to see the two of them bond and be happy together. But this seems to be difficult, and keeps stressing me out. And I wish my wife made more efforts to integrate with my family. We always end up doing things twice, like cook two different vegetables for dinner, because we need to accommodate her tastes. In the first year, everything smelt of love and roses. From the second year, everything starts smelling like piss. I can’t even lay my head on the pillow and rest, because the baby has been there. I love my baby, but if I had known it would smell so disgustingly, I would probably rethink my decision.

What wives only share with girlfriends I wish my husband would stop looking at other girls, especially pretty ones. Don’t I deserve more dignity than that? I hate that he doesn’t give me attention as when we were dating. My husband expects me to do all the housework, and still look pretty when I go out. It’s commonsense that if I’m doing the dishes, I won’t be wearing rings. And if I’m washing clothes, I won’t be wearing nail polish. I can barely afford my maid’s salary. But honestly, I would rather have her, even if she costs more than my entire salary, than be cooped at home and do all the housework. Sometimes I feel like work is the only place where I can be myself. If I have issues with my husband, I can’t clear them by talking to a friend, no matter how close. But it’s so difficult to communicate with him. I can never get more than the occasional ‘huh?’ as response. My husband is thirty but it’s three when it comes to his mother. I must do whatever she says, even if it’s something illogical. And my husband does nothing to drill any sense into her. I’m tired of the situation and when I complain to my husband, I get no response. And I feel like I always come second when it comes to making decisions. It’s as if the age-old way of things can never change, and the opinions of my husband and elders are always more important than mine. I know men can’t give birth, but nothing stops them from changing diapers. I hate it when my husband just expects me to leave my dinner in the middle and attend to the baby even when he has nothing to do. And he’s always complaining about the baby’s smell. Why doesn’t he do something about it then?

*****

Surprisingly, this list contains fewer complaints about romance and all the things we associate with marriage, and more complaints about the division of labor, such as household chores. We hope this list proves insightful and gives you a glimpse into the mind of your own better half. We hope it’ll also help you see things you take for granted, and open the doors of communication between you and your Dear Spouse.

No day off!

If Anita Bindu has a morning shift on the day of Dashain and she has not had time to get the Tika at home, she puts on the Tika by herself at her office. A Nepali newsreader at Nepal Television, she gets no days off, even on Dashain. And hence, to look their part on screen, sometimes you can find her and her colleagues putting on Tika by themselves before they go live. The irony is that she must look like she has celebrated Dashain the traditional way, even when she gets no time to do so.

For twelve years, Anita has had to coordinate the celebrations of festivals with work timings. Other TV programs can be recorded, but news has to be delivered fresh every time. Anita has regular shifts on all public holidays, though she can get another day off in its stead. But for her work on Dashain, she gets no extra holidays. And even though she is paid extra for it, it does have its drawbacks.

“It certainly feel sad to be away from family at this time, but once you are at work giving people the information they need, you forget these things,” she shares her experience.

She also enjoys a silent Kathmandu at this time, which is very different from its usual hectic, noisy self.

Since media is one of these sectors where people get days off on rotation, the festival that you celebrate one year may not be in your fate the next. The medical sector is another such one which does not have the luxury of a relaxed festival season.

Dr Samir Lama has been a resident at the emergency center of Tribhuvan University Teaching Hospital, Maharajgunj, for three years. In these years, he has not had the luxury of drinking and partying with his family members on the day of Tika.

“We are the ones who treat those who come in for drunk driving,” he laughs, “so we cannot go around drinking on that day.” Even when other departments like Outpatient Wards are closed, emergency doctors are on their duty, and hence Dr Lama misses out on the best parts of the festivals.

For Dr Lama, this is no more than what he bargained for when he got into the profession, and he has learnt to put duty before his other priorities.

“Some private hospitals even close down on these days, transferring or referring their in-patients to other centers,” he said, “but if you work in a hospital, it makes sense that you provide at least basic services all the year round.”

And Dr Lama abides by his opinion despite the fact that residents like him don’t get extra holidays for working during Dashain or other public holidays.

On days of major festivals like Dashami or Bhai Tika, Dr. Lama’s workload is considerably reduced, because unless it’s a real emergency, nobody plans to visit a hospital during Dashain.

The same is the case with the service sectors, which see much fewer customers than on other days. The Prahari Kalyan Petrol Pump has recently started operating 24 hours, and they get lesser customers than usual during the ten-day festival.

But the pump still stays open during Dashain. A team of six persons works for 24 hours (they sleep on site because they have few customers at night), but on the day of Tika, they take turns so that everyone can celebrate the festival.

“We’re the police, and we’re used to living a disciplined life,” said Dilli Singh Pande, in-charge of the pump, when questioned about the discomforts of such an arrangement.

With an increasingly consumerist lifestyle, there are many other service-oriented organizations that open during Dashain. The staffs in these organizations adjust with their duties even without a policeman’s emphasis on discipline. Shankar Nepal, duty officer at QFX Cinemas, shares that the theater is open on all days except the Dashami.

When Shankar first started working, he could not go home to Kavre to celebrate Dashain. It was initially hard for him to adjust because his family of course wanted him around to share the spirit of the season. But now with occasional trips back home, he has learnt to adjust to the situation.

Meanwhile, there are some organizations that get even more footfalls than usual in the festival season. The supermarket Bhatbhateni, open everyday except Dashami, is one of them. Bishan KC, floor in-charge of the Bhatbahteni branch, explains that the days just before the festival are the busiest for them. They do send some staff on leave, and those who work on holidays are paid extra.

The Dairy Development Corporation is another such establishment where the demand for products actually increases during festivals, since there is no such thing as enough milk and ghee during festivals. Ram Chandra Silwal, who mans the counter of DDC at Lainchour with seven teammates in his shift, shares that he has not been able to go home to Sindhupalchok to celebrate Dashain for quite a few years.

Silwal’s wife, a teacher, gets plenty of leave during Dashain and constantly urges him to make time for family during festivals.

“But more often than not, I’m busy worrying about how I can get the vehicle to get to work rather than about how to get home to Sindhupalchok,” explains Silwal. But being a government institution, Silwal is compensated with a full month’s home leave which he can take at any other time of the year, apart from the ‘bonus’ pay during the festival.

While the rest of us are enjoying the festival upon us, there are many people who have to bargain for a few hours off to spend with their families on holidays. These are just a few examples, while many others like the Traffic Police and nurses quietly work during the holidays to make our lives easier. Lack of transportation in the capital during Dashain is a common refrain for these people since there are fewer public vehicles, and taxis charge exorbitant ‘festival’ fares.

Every year they try to coordinate time to put on Tika at the exact Sait, or the most auspicious moment of the day. Sometimes they succeed, and mostly they don’t. And while some get compensated with extra pay and leave, some don’t. Most importantly, they have families to answer to, and leaving them behind on Dashain is not a pleasant feeling at all. But in the words of Dilli Singh Pande, they are wedded to their duties, because “they focus on pleasing others rather than themselves.”

Published in Republica on September 26

Women and erotica: an uneasy relationship

A young lady was once reading a copy of Osho’s ‘From Sex to Superconsciousness’ which she then lent to her teacher. When her male teacher gave it back to her, it was wrapped in a newspaper.

“I thought I was giving it to an open-minded person. But I guess that reflects our social attitude that such books aren’t be read in public,” says Bhushita Vashistha, 23, an avid reader.

Shreya Ghimire, 20, student of Bachelors in Media Studies at Kathmandu University, can testify to that. She read the (in)famous ‘Fifty Shades of Grey ‘in e-book format, but if she had a physical copy, she would take care to ensure that she wasn’t seen reading it.

“People judge you if they see you reading or looking for books with sexual contents,” says Shreya. Women have this uneasy relationship with sex literature even though erotica has been a part of our corpus since ages. If erotica is defined as sex literature which focuses on pleasing the reader (as opposed to discussing sex psychology, sex education, etc), it is very visible in our culture. From the stories of Krishna stealing Gopini’s clothes to those of Mahadev seducing Parvati, it is everywhere. And yet, when erotica is not cloaked in social approval, young women had little access to it.

Sex and sexuality are an intrinsic part of our lives, and young women believe they must be well-informed about it to lead happy lives. But they are never encouraged to seek this information.

“Sure, we’re taught about our body and reproductive functions in class, but most teachers just use vague terms and skip these topics,” Shreya explains how difficult it is to get information regarding sexuality.

Shikha Bagla, 26, a CA student, got her fix from books like the Sweet Valley series and Mills and Boon series when she was younger and recently also read Fifty Shades of Grey. Of course, she read them all discreetly, hidden inside her schoolbooks, since she believes her elders did not want her exposed to such contents. She has no qualms admitting she read these books, but people are surprised when she does. “They act like readers of such books are sex crazy or something!” she exclaimed.

There are of course certain sex literatures which can be read without stigma. Apart from religious scriptures, this includes books categorized as “classic”. For example, Shikha read BP Koirala’s works when she was quite young, but it never occurred to her to classify it was erotica, despite their explicit sexual content.

Bhushita, however, is of the opinion that the demarcation between elite and other literature is an artificial one because everyone has their own tastes and needs.

“Just because something is on the New York Bestsellers list doesn’t mean it is good,” she claims.

And indeed, the double standard is quite apparent when you realize that some books with the same content have to be read only when covered in newspapers.

“Sex is a natural thing,” says Bhushita, “and Freud tells us that once you alienate a person from something so intrinsic, you create a person who is nervous, anxious, and easy to manipulate.”

Regulating sex, thus, is a means of social control, and regulating women’s sexuality even more so, which includes limiting women’s access to anything with sexual contents. The result is that the body of erotic literature we have today is geared towards male tastes, which adds to the unease women have with erotica.

First of all, women seek to read erotica with more emotional content, but most erotica focuses on technical details and physical descriptions. Women tend to have a more emotional outlook to love as a whole, and do not see physical relationships as a stand-alone thing as it is depicted in pornography. Hence, visual pornography where sex is objectified does not excite most women.

Secondly, even when they do find emotional erotica, it tends to be misogynistic, even when it is written by women.

“Most of the erotica I find online is written by women,” says Shreya. But it puts her off because the man is always dominant and the woman always submissive in these works. At first, Shreya was attracted to the figure of Christian Grey in Fifty Shades of Grey who was presented as the ideal hero, but upon analysis, she found it unrealistic. “Such books have women bending down on her knees all the time,” she finished.

The roots of misogyny are deep in our culture, and this is what is reflected in our literature too. On the one hand, such literature alienates women in the long run, but on the other hand, they also serve as a historical reference of our social values. “Fifty Shades of Grey is nothing new,” says Bhushita, “historically, women have always been stereotyped in literature, and such books help us understand women’s image in society.”

Women writers who write well, even those who delve into sex, tend to stay away from erotica itself, preferring to discuss other aspects of sex. This leaves the field open for mediocre works that perpetuate damaging stereotypes.

Which is not to say that women cannot find good erotica if they really look for it. Bhushita names the writer Anais Nin as an example, whose writings leave her deeply moved. “Reading good erotica is like watching a beautiful sunset,” says she, “it expands your mind, and swells your poetic being. It exalts you.”

There are many other writers, both female and female, who have done justice to the issue. And all over the world, they are being read discreetly under the blankets, and end up not getting shared as they should. Here is hoping that women find a more comfortable relationship with erotica and are able to explore their poetic and sensitive sides through literature in future.

Women writing sex literature

Sex literature, or the genre that focuses on the psychology of sex and the impact that it has on our lives, has quite a developed tradition among women writers of Nepal. Our beloved writer Parijat had delved into the issue with considerable skills even in those times when there were few women writers of note. Today, with more and more women writers in the field, the genre is stronger than ever before.

Kalpana Bantawa is one such writer whose first book ‘Kayakalpa’ also includes discussions of sex. But she had started discussing the issue long ago when she wrote fan-fiction of Sumnima. She took one line from BP Koirala’s ‘Sumnima’ where Sumnima tells Somdutta that she thinks of him even when she is making love to her husband. Incorporating the idea that a mother’s state of mind during pregnancy is reflected on the child, Bantawa came up with a story where Sumnima’s Kirat child looked like a Brahmin Somdutta. Many people praised her story as bold, and if anyone had anything negative to say about her story, she did not hear of it.

When such ideas are presented to a wider mass, it is natural to get some flak. Anoopam Roshi whose published books include ‘Nango Manchhe’ (naked man) and ‘Kumari Aama’ (virgin mother), believes her writing is not vulgar.

“Writing that doesn’t go beyond mere description of sex is vulgar,” said Roshi, “but I write about how sex is included in our daily lives, and how it affects our psychology.” While she was praised for raising the “bold” subject of unwed mothers, she received a certain amount of negative feedback too.

“You’re so beautiful, you should be a model instead of writing books like these,” some people were heard to comment. Roshi replied succinctly that she knew what she had to do in her life, and came out with a third book, ‘Kalo Chhaya’ which is about Chhaupadi. Roshi is all for wider dissemination of issues like these because she believes that it gives women a way to discuss their limited experiences.

For Kalpana, her writing is about challenging the stereotypes in existing sex literature. “In men’s writing, women are often portrayed as objects of sex. These writings ignore issues like women’s satisfaction or displeasure. There’s no other way to bring these issues to light than for women to write about them,” she explained. She had also written about her first periods, and believes that such issues, though far away from the pleasure aspect of sex, are nonetheless an important part of sexuality. They need to be known and discussed for a full understanding of women’s sexuality.

Another thing that characterizes most women’s writings on sex is its poetic element. Kalapna emphasizes that you should be able to express anything you want to, but in artistic ways.

Anoopam Axl, who is editing a collection of sex stories by both men and women, agrees that women’s writing is more poetic and metaphorical. This also resonates with the qualities that women seek when they look for sex literature: focus on artistry and emotions.

Thus, women’s sex literature in Nepal has leaned towards expressing women’s experiences of sexuality. The focus on the bigger picture has given such writing literary beauty, elevating it from mere titillation.

Women in and on literature

Apart from a few sporadic exceptions, Nepali women have not been writing literature for very long. But women have been depicted in literature for as long as literature exists, and this has created a lopsided representation of women in literature.

“Women are always portrayed through male subjectivity,” says Archana Thapa, who had edited a collection of personal narratives by women. “And since men imagined femininity in a way they thought was proper, it resulted in a sanitized view of women.”

Indeed, ideal women have always been portrayed with certain qualities like nurturing, caring, patient, etc, which is far from the way most women behave in real life. Literature praises such women, for example, by saying that where women are worshipped, there the gods are happy (Manusmriti). But since only women who fit into a narrow definition were praised, this served to regulate women’s behavior according to the sanitized view of femininity idealized by men.

Other qualities like independence and free will were punished in literature, erecting unachievable standards for women in daily life. Writer Momila believes women have not been given social justice in traditional literature, even though such depiction served to keep families together in its time.

Now with more and more women writers in the field, the trend is changing, and we see more realistic depictions of women in literature, warts and all. Archana believes that such a process empowers women. They get to acknowledge who they are apart from their social definition, and it gives them a way to challenge the traditions that bind them.

While women writers feel empowered by their writing, their writing as a whole comes under criticism for revolving around petty issues. Many believe it makes them less impactful than men’s writing, because women do not deal with big ideas as men do. Perhaps for that reason, some women writers refuse to be identified as “woman writer,” and will respond only when addressed as “writer.”

“At the end of the day, we are all human, and if we all wrote from that core of our being, maybe our writings would be similar,” says Momila. “But women experience the world in different ways than men, and this reflects in their writing.” By sidestepping the question of their gender, certain women writers are also negating the importance of the impact of women’s unique experiences in literature.

In fact, it is women’s unique experiences that give their writing a distinct identity, and does not take away from their quality of writing at all. Popular writers like Parijat are respected for astute portrayal of gender issues. Noted writer Banira Giri believes that women have the incredible power to understand human beings,” she says. “They go through so much pain in their life that it makes them sensitive to the feelings around them.”

“All of us find meaning in our private spaces, even men,” says Archana. So, skillful analysis of private spaces is something that any writer can be proud of, whether male or female.

Hence, criticism about the content and skills of their writing does not bother women, but many other external barriers do. Most women find it difficult to find time for writing because of their household duties.

“You have to make sure your family is happy, give enough time to everyone,” says Banira. But if you have the “insect” of writing inside you, write you must, even though it may take extra effort.

Emerging writer Kalpana Bantawa also feels that publication of your work depends on how connected you are to the publisher.

“Often I don’t get response from male editors when I send in my submissions,” she said, while she observed that male colleagues with good connections were getting published every other week. Since the media is still heavily dominated by men and women socialize lesser than men, this makes it hard for women to get their writing a fair chance of being read.

But still, women writers do not lose hope because they are confident about the quality of their writing.

“When you have talent, nothing can stop you,” says Banira. “You must write honestly, and if you do so, you writing are more Satya (true) than the stories of Satya Narayan.”

Published in Republica on September 19