Flourishing romance tourism

Taudaha, which lies on the way to Pharping, is quite some distance from the outer limits of the city. But it is a very popular hangout destination for youngsters. The road is admittedly scenic, and the lake itself as pretty as it could be. But a signboard that used to stand on the premises spoke eloquently about the major attraction of Taudaha, above and beyond its beauty.

The approximately 4x8’ sign forbade patrons from indulging in amorous activities. It went on to give graphic illustrations of the activities and the fines they entailed: Rs. 1,500 for hugging, Rs. 2,000 for kissing and Rs. 500 for entering in school dress. The signboard has long since disappeared because the wind tore it away, but was only mildly effective when it was present.

“Those who are civilized took the hint, and those who do know the value of morality still continue to exhibit these antics,” said Parvati, a local who mans the counter from time to time.

Deepa Karki, another counter staff at Taudaha, is witness to many couples engaging in handholding, hugging and kissing, and sometimes more. Dating spots like these are found aplenty all over Kathmandu, but what makes Taudaha stand out is its restaurants. Making use of the ample space around the lake, each restaurant has set up a dozen or so of little cabins which cannot fit more than two persons by any stretch of imagination.

Couples are forced to seek private spaces like these because in public, they become the cynosure of hostile eyes. Poet Anoopam Pokharel, 26, recounts an incident when he was spending time with his girlfriend in a park, and was harassed by a policeman who threatened to publish their photos in the newspaper. Luckily, Anoopam and his girlfriend were unafraid, and his girlfriend even got up and told the police to take her to the police station if he dared. That was the end of that incident, but Anoopam shares that couples walking together face harassment from everyone, including police, passersby, and even beggars.

Even in private spaces like hotels, the socially defined rules hound couples. Writer Sujit Basnet* had once gone to Chitwan with his friends. While their hotel room was being cleaned up, they and another group waited outside. After a while, a young man and a woman emerged from one of the hotel rooms. The couple was visibly discomfited at the sight of so many people, and the young man started addressing the woman as “Shreemati!”

Immediately, Sujit and his friends burst into laughter. The response was more drastic from the nearby table. “Bullshit!” someone shouted, “who calls their wife shreemati?”

The couple stalked off angrily, but the incident stuck in Sujit’s mind. The couple had taken the room for a very short time, and now Sujit analyzes that they must have been a romantic couple desperate for privacy. “It’s no secret that many hotels also double up as love nests,” he said.

Couples go to such lengths to prove they are married because unmarried couples face harassment from the police even in private spaces like hotels, where the police randomly conduct raids to root out “immoral behavior.” When questioned about such harassment, Nepal Police spokesperson SSP Ganesh KC replied that the police are liable to take action against “immoral activities,” which includes any amorous activity, whether private or commercial.

SSP Hemanta Bahadur Pal, spokesperson at the Metropolitan Police Commissioner’s Office, defended the actions of field officers, stating that they only conduct raids if someone notifies them about immoral activities.

“We leave private activities alone,” he claimed, “except when other citizens complain about them.” He stated that even though there are no particular laws concerning behavior in public, the police are bound to intervene in activities that are not acceptable to contemporary society.

Software developer Badal Singh*, 34, is well aware of the need to hide such unacceptable activities from society. He remembers his days of hopping cabin restaurants with fondness, describing his activities as “harmless fun” and “nothing too big.” He went there because he did not want to be seen, and as a teenager, never gave a thought to morality.

But today he believes that although his activities were not immoral, intimacy should still be private because society places a large premium on women’s character. He would not have liked his girlfriend to face problems because of him, so he thanks the restaurants for providing them a place to indulge in activities unacceptable in public.

At the other end of the spectrum, there are Deepa and Parvati Karki who disagree with the statement. To Parvati, these activities are indicative of “uncivilized” and “immoral” people, which embarrass them and the rest of society.

Over and over again, the question of morality comes up, which seems to be at the center of this debate, of what level of display of affection is accepted in public and what is not. The tolerance limit for amorous activities varies from person to person. For Anoopam, intimacy is something very natural, but social restrictions have made it seem unnatural and immoral.

“The guardians of these restrictions make life difficult for people like us,” he concludes.

The ones who benefit from this situation are the cabin restaurants which have everything to gain by providing youngsters with what they want. Anoopam, a veteran of such restaurants, describes the staff’s behavior as always courteous and respectful.

Regarding morality, the restaurants take a pragmatic approach to the whole situation. For Nirajan Thapa, proprietor of Mid-Point View Restaurant at Taudaha, the restaurants are the need of the day. His restaurant has open tables for groups as well as little wooden cabins that he admits are for couples. To him, couples are normal customers like anyone else.

When questioned about the morality of his business, he sidestepped it by stating that every story has multiple sides, and each side is valid. But since he also acknowledged that he spent a lot of time in restaurants like these when he went out, it was clear which side he was on.

Like his customers, Nirajan too is sometimes harassed by the police.

“From time to time, we get directives to close down cabin restaurants,” he complained.

Cabin restaurants have long been associated with prostitution, which has given them a bad name and made them the target of law enforcement. But Nirajan is clear that his restaurant is far away from prostitution, and his cabins are simply for the convenience of friends and families.

But that is not just it. By now, restaurants are quite attuned to the needs of their customers, and are on alert to fulfill them without being asked. Sujit recounts that whenever he goes out on drives with his girlfriend, restaurant staff approach him and whisper in his ears that rooms are available even if they only want to have tea there. And this has happened invariably wherever he has gone, from Daman to Bhotechaur to Sanga.

Sujit has become accustomed to these questions and has come to expect them. Not so with his girlfriend Slesha* who wished they would tone down their approach.

“It would be very awkward for people whose romance is just budding and who have no greater intimacy in mind than holding hands,” she protests.

But to hope that restaurants be less enthusiastic may be wishful thinking for now. With changing times, our moral values are changing, and for young people it is no big deal to indulge in intimacy before marriage.

But society has not changed with them, which forces them to look for places where they can avoid the social eye. As long as hotels provide these facilities without moral judgment that the rest of the society inflicts, youngsters will continue to be attracted to such places. Romance tourism looks set to flourish in Nepal for quite a while.

*Names changed to protect privacy.