Kiran
Tamang, 26, is studying in New York
Flirting
often gets a bad press because many people like Kiran do not trust flirts. But
for people who enjoy flirting, it is way of getting to know someone, building
rapport, and having a good time. There are many who crave flirting in their lives because without it their
relationship has no spark.
As
Andrew Bryant and Michelle Lia Lewis write in their book The Street Guide to
Flirting, when you flirt with someone you are giving them a compliment: you
are showing that you notice them. This obviously makes the other person feel
good, and they respond positively to you. Many relationships start this way.
For Deepesh, a 27-year-old student, good flirting includes wit, banter, and
compliments that make the other person feel good. Deepesh’s relationship
started after light-hearted flirting, and he still flirts with his girlfriend
of more than a year. “It keeps the spark alive,” he claims.
In
contrast, Shrawani Shrestha, 29, who works with an INGO, is dissatisfied
because her relationship lacks that very spark. She is getting married in a
month, but at this point she would get out of the marriage if she could. “My
fiancée does not even send me two texts a day,” she pouts. “And when we do end
up talking, it’s all about how many guests are coming and what kind of
furniture we should buy for our new house.” She craves light-hearted
conversation that could make her feel good and enjoy the relationship.
Apart
from the feel-good factor, flirts confess to a very important by-product of
flirting: confidence. Flirting has a symbiotic relationship with confidence. You
need confidence to make the first move, and when your flirting succeeds, it
raises your confidence. “Men are not really confident about approaching women,”
confesses Deepesh. They feel inferior to the girl they like and wonder if she
is going to like him. Flirting helps break the ice, and if it succeeds, raises
confidence.
Some
may be born with the skills, and some need to learn it. But one thing is clear:
the skills can be honed and polished to an art form. Chartered Accountant Vijay
Dhakal, 25, is a notorious flirt on twitter. Recently he asked a girl if her
father was a nuclear scientist. When she asked him why he thought so, he
replied that she was an atom bomb! These days his twitter feed is full of at
least a dozen such witty one-liners everyday. But there was a time when he
would not have made such a joke so easily, and definitely not in person. “As
you progress, you learn how to talk to different kinds of people, it develops
your communication skills,” he reflects.
“If
my flirting succeeds, I feel like I have won a battle,” Deepesh laughs “and
that prepares me for the war!” The war, according to him, is getting better and
better at flirting, developing connections between people, and ensuring
everyone has a good time.
But
sometimes, it is very easy to go overboard with flirting and suddenly you may
find yourself walking on dangerous territory. Prakash Dangol, 33, is a
restaurateur based in London
Many a time
this statement has generated laughs from his female customers. “Easy, tiger!”
the male companions say. Everyone knows that he does not mean anything by it,
which is why his quip builds positive relations with his customers. “It makes
people laugh, and that makes them feel comfortable,” says Prakash.
And yet with
this line, it is very easy to offend the person you are addressing, or their
partner. Drawing the line and developing a balance without raising any hackles
is as difficult to navigate as a minefield.
What
offends one person may be passé for another.
For Deepesh, a lot depends on an individual’s sense of morality, and hence, the
border of healthy flirting is individual. For grad student Priscilla Dhungana,
29, the line is clear. “As long as you don’t do what you are talking about,
it’s fine,” she states. When she flirts, she does not do or say anything that
she would not say to a friend. For her, crossing the border with flirting is a
sign of danger. “When you are with someone and are beginning to fall in love
with a flirt, maybe you are already in an unhappy relationship,” she cautions.
There are
many other ways in which flirting could invite unwanted issues. Your flirting
may develop insecurities in your partner, and your partner may have a hard time
trusting you if you treat everyone with the same level of romantic attention. Vijay
has had someone falling in love with his flirting, while Prakash was once invited to a partner-swapping
party after his quip that he considered harmless.
Maneuvering
such terrains can seem tricky to a beginner, but good flirts always have an
exit strategy ready. They never say anything that they cannot back out of with
another witty line, or at most, an apology.
Once you
figure out how to stay way from sticky spots, the world is yours! Enjoy a
healthy dose of banter for a sparkling relationship!
All
names changed to protect privacy.
Why
people flirt
·
I
live away from home, and flirting is the most fun way to get company.
-Vijay
·
When
I flirt, I feel naughty.
-Prakash
·
Everyone
wants to be noticed, adored and praised.
-Deepesh
·
It’s
a fun way to feel good. It’s best if you flirt with someone you know and are
conformable with, so that you know they are not taking it the wrong way.
-Priscilla
·
If
my partner flirted with me, I would feel more loved than when he tells me
seriously that he will take care of me all my life.
-Shrawani
Where to
draw the line
·
If
there is one girl and a lot of guys, the girl may feel teased or harassed.
Avoid this situation by flirting one-on-one only.
·
Avoid
comments about physical aspects.
-Deepesh
·
It
should not be cheesy. Once a guy compared me to Preity Zinta, and it was so
obviously fake that I blanched.
·
Don’t
get touchy-feely.
-Priscilla
·
You
know it’s time to end it when the other person is falling in love and you have
no intention of catching them.
-Vijay
·
You
have to make sure your partner is ok with you flirting with others.
-Prakash
No comments:
Post a Comment